Freedom

I woke up this morning feeling bogged down, yet again, by my failure to get my sh*t together.  I’m so tired of losing the same 3 pounds over and over again.  I am tired of my life being all about losing that last 20 pounds.  I’ve become trapped in this world of feeling bad about myself because I haven’t done it yet. 

Each week I look for new inspiration and new motivation, but I think I’ve been looking in the wrong places.  I’ve been looking to shows like The Biggest Loser or websites like www.fatsecret.com.  These are great places, but I can’t really relate to the folks on Biggest Loser because I can’t stop my life and workout four hours a day.  I need to find inspiration and motivation in myself and closer to home. 

2010 has been a rough year for me, but I’m starting to see things change for the better.  I need to remind myself that my weight and my body image DO NOT define me.  My overall health is so much better than 2 years ago.  My outlook on life has improved 100%.  I used to be trapped in my body feeling sorry for myself and it seems I’ve replaced that with being trapped in my mind feeling like I need to do more. 

I woke up this morning wondering “Why is what I’m doing not enough?”  You know what….it is enough.  I enjoy my life and yes, I want to lose that last 20 pounds and I will, but I’m going to do it gradually.  Perhaps if I stop obsessing about it…it will happen once and for all.

How has your mind trapped you?  What battles are you fighting in your mind each day?

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4 Comments

  1. Jen said,

    October 10, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    Carrie,

    Often I feel we are on parallel wavelengths…I seem to have fallen off every wagon lately: eating well, cooking different foods (which I live & for whatever reason I seem to loathe lately), reading for pleasure, writing (because I think it’s good for me) and yoga (I can’t believe this one). It’s all because I let my stress & busy life consume me.

    Yesterday, I went to a 2.5 hour restorative yoga workshop to help get myself back in the swing of things. I prepared a favorite meal for my family (& John helped cook while I was at yoga) & we had a nice evening at the York Symphony with John & Yael (it was her first time at the symphony).

    So, I just decided I can’t let life get in the way of what’s important-that I have to look past all of these things and do what my yoga instructor told us to do several times yesterday: “Surrender!”

    Best of luck to you, my friend, I think it’s great that you are happy with yourself! Lots of love, Jen

    • October 10, 2010 at 6:21 pm

      Congrats on your success yesterday Jen. You are a great woman and an inspiration to me and I’m sure many others. I got tons of work accomplished today and made some tasty all energy bars for my pre-workouts this week. Progress! Hugs to you.

  2. Linda Devlin said,

    October 10, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    Ah, the evil beast of discord has reared its head. You ackowledged it and are not letting it beat you. This is great. I, too, have been battling the same beat and pray the trials I am facing do not wear down my strenghth. I pray that each day shows me new strenght and even small victories. I pray this for you as well. We can question the why’s in life or embrace what we don’t understand and not let our questions define an unfavorable outcome. You are strong on levels you may not even know you are so hold on to the positives you have found and God will get us through the rest. Sorry to ramble, I guess I’m trying to help myself as well as be suppotive for you. 🙂

    • October 10, 2010 at 6:22 pm

      Ramble on and on. I love your comments. Isn’t it wonderful how years have past and we can still be there for each other. Thank you for being you. I love you for it.


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